Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
