holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
