Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
