So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize