My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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