I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
