So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
