Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
