Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize