me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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