I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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