for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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