I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
