i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
