im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
