The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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