if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
