Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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