i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
