we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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