Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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