You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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