weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
