so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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