Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
