Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
