So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
