Plan B is the new Plan A
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ladies don't puke and tell
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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