New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
