Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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