Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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