Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A+ Viking dick
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I love you.
Bad choice
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
