He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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