i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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