I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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