This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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