The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
