everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
