We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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