I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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