from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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