clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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