Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
