apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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