my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
