ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
