It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize