It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
