I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
