Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
