We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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