i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
