i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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