So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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