i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
