So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
