from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
