remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
why is half of my head shaved?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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