and i looked up. we had an audience...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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