***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
