They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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