I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
