I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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