I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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