i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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