i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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