I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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