tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize