Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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