It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
