got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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