.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
