Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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