Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
