Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Randomize
