Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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