The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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