yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
