Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
