I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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