I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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