Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
