shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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