let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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