handjob tips. give me some.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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