Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
