I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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