some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need to sanitize my soul.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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