I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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