if you like me you must not know who I am
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also, beer. Big fan.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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