Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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