And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
