your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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