I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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