my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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