Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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