I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
