i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
