It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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