you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
