I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
