you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
