she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
