What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
