Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
