remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
