The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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