I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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