yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
