This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize