Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
