Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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