So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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