Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
