that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
