...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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